How to Fight Fair: Practical Tips for Resolving Relationship Conflict

RelationStitch Podcast – Episode 3

In this episode of the RelationStitch Podcast, Stephanie and I shift the focus from why couples fight to how they can fight fair. As a licensed marriage and family therapist, I’ve seen it all — the blowups, the shutdowns, the slow erosion of connection. But here’s the truth: healthy conflict resolution isn’t luck. It’s a skill.

🎧 Listen to the full episode: RelationStitch Podcast – Episode 3

Six Rules of Engagement for Healthy Conflict

These are the tools we teach couples to help them navigate disagreements without damaging their bond:

1. Check Yourself

Before you start a hard conversation, take inventory. Are you truly upset with your partner, or just carrying stress from work or family? Regulate your emotions first. Calm beats reactive every time.

2. Pick Your Battles

Not every irritation deserves a fight. Learn to separate core issues from personal quirks. Constant criticism over small things (like how the dishwasher is loaded) wears down trust.

3. Watch Your Mouth

You are 100% responsible for your words. Name-calling and character attacks fuel contempt — the #1 predictor of divorce. And please, remove “divorce” from your vocabulary during arguments. Threatening the relationship destroys safety.

4. Don’t Stack Issues

Stick to one topic. Bringing up past mistakes or dumping a laundry list of grievances (“kitchen sinking”) makes resolution impossible.

5. Use “I” Statements

Instead of accusing (“You’re disrespectful”), speak from your experience: “I felt disrespected when…” This lowers defensiveness and opens the door to empathy.

6. Don’t Monopolize the Conversation

Conflict resolution is a dialogue, not a monologue. Let your partner speak. Listen to understand, not just to respond.

The Takeaway

Conflict is inevitable. But it doesn’t have to be destructive. When couples agree on these rules of engagement before the fight starts, they create a safe space for growth, clarity, and deeper connection.

If you’re tired of fighting the same way with no resolution, start here. These tools can shift your entire dynamic.